Q&A - Force Myself To Ask Out Shy Girl In Class?
►Watch this next, "Q&A - "Nice Guy" Can't Escalate w/ Hot Girls": https://youtu.be/4AKNHN0rcVA
How about instead of having the intention "should I force myself to ask for her phone number".. if you're going to force something, how about break it up a bit and slow it down. How about "force myself just to say hi and ask her one question about herself." etc.
No need to put any unnecessary pressure on ourselves. All that pressure just creates more and more nervousness and anxiety. Let's simplify.
Often as men we create huge anxieties based off of "desired outcomes" (phone number, date, gf, sex, etc.) that we have in our minds.
We put pressure on ourselves to "get her number!", rather than just enjoy the moment and let things unfold naturally and spontaneously.
The best connections unfold spontaneously and naturally in the moment. (compared to when we are in our heads with desired outcomes or thinking about how a conversation should go). It's fine to think of some things to say, have a plan, have a natural agenda, etc.. but we have to be willing to let go of all of that and embrace the present moment. Let the "outcomes" happen naturally with inspiration, rather than through putting pressure on ourselves.
Let's start with a "Hi", or "introduce ourselves", or "give her a compliment", or "ask her a question", or "have a thirty second conversation", etc. and then moving forward from there.
Starting with a compliment is probably the best first step!
For now, your only goal should be slowly talking to her more and more and enjoying yourself.
Have fun!! :)
Let's move forward in a more natural progression with the least amount of pressure possible, and over time the inspiration will come that your "outcomes" will happen in the most natural way possible.
►UPDATE: I admit I contradict myself in this video, compared to a message I've previously had. In the past I've said "rarely force anything, let things happen naturally with inspiration". This message I say "Yes, go force it! But just force a "hello" / force as little as possible.. and then ride the inspiration".
(Here's my natural message that I love: https://youtu.be/7vykwaMgJNk)
Just wanted to be upfront about that contradiction I've made. I think each message is good depending on where you're at in your life. For example, If you've never talked to a girl before.. perhaps you are inspired to force some things and that'll be the best path for your growth!
However, if you want to learn to be more natural.. and already have a decent social life, then maybe it's best to rarely force things socially, and only do what's inspired.
(Be warned.. hopefully you're inspired to do ballsy and courageous things that are out of your comfort zone. This "not forcing mindset" should not be a rationalization for complacency. It's a tricky message to give, But it's a mindset of you doing what you're doing in your life because YOU WANT TO. Talking to a girl because YOU WANT TO.)
[Rather than forcing yourself to talk to a girl or forcing yourself to do anything because some guy on the internet told you it's what you should do, etc.]
**Another thing I wanted to clarify is that at the end I say that I used to force myself to approach tons of girls, and because of that it's made me more natural.
I think that's half true.
While yes, just having the experience of talking to tons of girls is very very nice. At the same time, I feel the more I "forced", the more I learned to interact with girls with a facade, rather than being my real true self. So on the other hand, because of all that forcing, I have also had to "re-learn" how to be who I really am with girls.
So I wish I didn't say that ending part because I don't think what I said there about how "approaching lots of girls made me more natural" is true.
Just felt like writing this out.. maybe some of you would appreciate / get value from this "post-writeup". :-)
Regarding all the messages I have ever given, I ask you guys to take nothing on my word, but to test the principles and the methods for yourselves and to always think critically. Everyone has their own individualization process. You may be an "outlier". Also, maybe you'll find some concept that will work awesome for you now, and then in the future you'll find that the polar opposite of that concept is what feels true for you! What matters is are you afraid of truth? Are you being real? Are your actions hurting others? And are you coming from a truly good place?
Sometimes I'll watch some of my videos that I made a year ago for example, and disagree with what I talked about back then. My views keep evolving it seems. Always question what you "get" from my channel!